She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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