Got a toothbrush?
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
