Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
