Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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