I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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