3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
