Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
