I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
