When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
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