Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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