dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
