So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
