She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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