So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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