he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
