You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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