i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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