I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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