And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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