So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
