Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
