Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
