Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
