I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
