Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
