It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
