I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
