NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
