He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
