i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
