I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
