I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
