First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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