You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
