she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
