A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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