He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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