I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
