So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
