I seem to have left my pride at pride
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
