I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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