i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
