didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
