fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
