i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
