I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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