go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Swine flu is the new snow day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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