I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
