The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
