is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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