i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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