i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
