He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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