are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
